Please help me I wouldn't be asking unless I were really desperate?

It sounds like you have had a rough life and endured a lot of pregidice. Can you ask your mom to take you to a counselor? Do you think that moving to another area would help? Like with family? You can't take these problems on by secluding yourself and reliving your horrible memories over and over in your head. If you do then those a**h***s win. There are people and resources that can help you. Try going to a dr. cuz it sounds like you have a ton of anxiety. I'm no expert, but I really hope that you get the help you need. noone should be alone. Good luck!